Explained-What’s in a Signature?

I have always been fascinated by Signatures. Humans have used their Signatures for many reasons. Be it to sign a love letter or to bequeath all of one’s worldly possessions to a Dog (Scorned Lovers might argue both to be the same)
A signature is like a piece of Art- Exclusive to every Individual, lending complete artistic freedom for them to create and evolve their trademark style over a period of time.
Certain experts claim to be able to paint the character of a person by observing one’s signature while a few people go a step further and claim to be able to predict the sex of an offspring-
‘Judging by the way you have stroked your ‘P’, you shall have a boy!!’

Now I am neither an astrologer nor a psychologist but hey, that isn’t going to stop me from sharing my hypothesis on signatures. I have taken the liberty to broadly classify signatures into 10 different types. I can assure you that almost all human beings and a few educated dolphins fit into one of these stereotypes. So go ahead and find out which category you belong to. If you don’t fit into any of these stereotypes- Well, sign a cheque for me to analyze.

The name I have chosen for the following example is- Kabalikanth.

Why Kabalikanth?, you might ask- Well, No particular reason at all. What does ‘Kanth’ mean anyway?

Here Goes:

The ‘Elementary kid’ is a very common creature who has failed to evolve and develop their childhood signature. Expect a lollipop sticking off their mouth, snot wiper pinned to the shirt pocket while they sign deals worth millions.

The eternal Classicist! Must have scored straight A’s in handwriting class back at school. Every signature for them is a masterpiece. Watch them as they proudly admire each and every signature they lay down, even if it is on a petition filing for bankruptcy.

The quintessential attention grabber. They sign for an agonizingly long stretch of time, swinging hands wildly like an operatic tenor. They never finish signatures within the designated area. Any document signed by them looks like a newspaper article with the headlines at the bottom.

Strongly believes in the concept of abbreviations. They also believe that anything in this world can be simplified without really bothering what the end result looks or sounds like. More often than not, the end result sounds really hilarious.

The human body has an internal clock. For the CAPSLOCK’ists, it also has a Keyboard. All they bother about when they jot down their signature is the first letter-It has to be a ‘Capital on Steroids’- The rest is inconsequential.

Yes, you guessed it right! Their signature looks like the dropping pulse rate of a junkie who’s had an overdose. Look closely at their hands for tell tale needle marks.

The true children of the local soil! With a very strong regional attachment, they are capable of making English look like their mother tongue. Watch them weep in joy when they stumble upon Saravana Bhavan or Sachin Ka Dhaba in Las Vegas.

They do not believe in the concept of a signature. To them, a signature commands as much respect as a banana peel on the floor. I firmly suspect though that the banana peel itself seems to play a vital role during their signing process.

These people absolutely hate their signature. So much so that they actually seem to strike it out entirely before finishing it. Expect a furious rage on their face every time they sign!

The Suicide’ers are a unique lot. Their signatures are generally ominous enough to suggest that any document they sign looks like a suicide note wherein they seem to pull the trigger just before they complete their sign.

Guna’s extra Bit:

Remember my good friend Guna, the auto driver/self confessed future noble laureate? Well, it so happened that one day he stumbled upon me while I was analyzing a bunch of signatures for this blog post. He tried to guess the names of a few of the signatures strewn around the table. I thought I would share of few of his hilarious deductions with you: