The New Earth- A 2012 Odyssey

This is the year 2012. Apart from a few Earthquakes and the ultra rare prospect of a Ten thousand Lakh Crore Chicken Shit Scam not unearthed in India in the next few months, there are no indications of the world coming to an end by the end of the year. But what if the earth were indeed heading towards a catastrophe? Was the movie ‘2012’ really a piece of ‘the soon to be scam hit’ chicken shit or does it really tell us of an impending Mayan calendar inspired doomsday? This is the question that has led me to wonder:
What if the earth started to disintegrate? How could the world get a lot more interesting by its realignment of continents and Countries? How difficult, easy or sometimes downright cruel could Doomsday be for us Human beings?

 Disclaimer: No Human being was hurt or Killed in this imaginary blog post. In the spirit of the Bloggers optimism, the continents shifted without killing anybody. The author also has no intention to create this cataclysmic situation in the future. He loves the way the world is and  purely is revelling in the paranoia created by the Mayan prophecy for 2012 and had taken a lighter view of the fictionary realignment of the Earths Land mass in the true spirit of globalization. If you still find any of this offensive… well, go watch 2012. You’ll come back grovelling for Vadakari. Hmmph!

Following the Violent Earthquake off the coast of every possible country on the planet, there were widespread reports yesterday of deep fissures developing across the Land mass of Earth. Today, at the break of dawn, the world has indeed become a very different place.  Let us look at some of the Major developments:

Canada and Punjab:

As Punjab drifted aimlessly through the Gulf, it seemed to magically pick speed and gravitate towards Canada and before dawn, both landmasses collided. The Canadian and Punjab government have set up border check points since there is mass hysteria amongst the people as they are unable to identify which is Punjab and which is Canada. Lord help them!

USA:

The North American continent has split, leaving the USA all alone for a couple of hours. But then, it collided with many land masses all through the night. When day broke, the United States was surrounded by Iran, N. Korea, Afghanistan, Iraq and Syria- Its new neighbours. The American President has called up the Indian Prime Minister to ask him the meaning for phrases like ‘Cross Border Infiltration’ and ‘LOC’!  Clearly, the Americans are desperate to off load their new neighbours. Rumour has it that they have even contacted DMDK party chief Vijayakanth to find out if there is any way he could help in putting back the countries to where they were before.

Tamil Nadu:

‘The lord does work in funny ways’ are the only words that comes to mind if you are Tamil. Karnataka’s predicament in the new world brings out words that can’t be written here. The reason? Tamil Nadu had swerved right around Karnataka and settled itself west of the state. Turns out, the river Cauvery now originates from Coimbatore and flows through a vast area of the state before entering Karnataka!

Kerala:

Kerala has collided violently with the Gulf! Yes, that’s right! The moment Kerala detached from mainland India, it took less than ten minutes for it to race towards the gulf at lightning speed. The impact though has created a gigantic mountain range between the two landmasses which is thrice as tall as the Himalayas! Many young Keralite men whom we spoke to were clearly overjoyed with the recent developments. As one person said, ‘Now we don’t have to spend huge amounts on airfare. We will just climb these impossibly tall mountains to reach the gulf and struggle all life’.

Pakistan:

Pakistan has detached itself from Asia and is engulfed by the Caribbean, Indonesia, Maldives, Malaysia and a host of other smaller landmass. Interestingly, Pakistan is at the centre of what looks like an ominous yet famous sign- And obviously, Pakistan has blamed India for the catastrophe!

England:

England has split into 25 pieces (18 of the premier League hometowns and a few relegation battlers) and is scattered all around the globe. The EPL just got a lot more territorial and difficult to host and yes, again, the sun will never set in the British Empire!

Petrol:

All the oil in the world has moved under a new landmass created by Somalia, Niger, DR Congo, Central African Republic and it’s surrounding. USA has declared new regimes in all these countries and has already started to drill oil. The mood amongst the people of these countries is inconsolable!
‘What have we done to deserve this curse?’ a man cried out, ‘Like we didn’t have AIDS, Civil war, Famine and drought already, God has given us the greatest curse of all- Petrol’!!

Tirupathi :

Tirupathi has drifted south of what was earlier South America (Part of South America has integrated with China- The Chinese government is evaluating whether the great wall is strong enough to stop the Latino music invasion). Now Indians have to cross 7 seas literally to see the Lord. The Devasthanam board members do not expect any drop in the number of pilgrims and have already made arrangements for Laddoo manufacturing in the Hawaiian Islands nearby.

Telengana:

Unbelievable! Telengana has become a separate island as it tore away from Andhra last night. But it is reportedly drifting slowly north towards Uttar Pradesh. Protestors say they will renew protests after it collides with UP, demanding a separate state.

and finally….

Israel and Palestine:

(Map not accurate. Only for representation purpose. The blogger is weak in Geography!)

Both Landmasses are still stuck together- It takes more than a tectonically catastrophic earthquake to split them or sort out their woes!

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6 Responses to The New Earth- A 2012 Odyssey

  1. Partha says:

    THE BEST POST da sajan this is… a masterpiece (truly)!!! Laughing my a$$ off…. Super machi….. !!!

  2. Amrutha says:

    sama comedy 🙂 nice one there.. we both coudnt stop laughing

  3. I couldn’t stop laughing!
    How did you create these maps?
    Amazing!!
    Wow!

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