The first word uttered by any Child is memorable. It almost always is ‘amma’, ‘ammi’, ‘mom’ or whatever is used to address the mother or father in the child’s mother tongue. But every now and then, a child does spring a surprise and utter a different word as its first. This got me wondering- What would have been the first word uttered by a few celebrities?
Disclaimer: This is purely my Imagination. None of this is true. The cartoon above is not that of Baby Gerard Butler. So please don’t put me in Jail or kick me down a well!
Baby Miera Kumar was listening to various members of her ‘house’ yelling and screaming at each other. Unable to bear the commotion anymore, she yelled loudly, ‘Shut the **** up all of you!’
The warring family members surrounded the child in disbelief. ‘How will this rude, foul mouthed child grow up and be a good person?’ a grand mom wailed beside her. If only that old lady were alive now, Sigh!
After stressing on the alphabet ‘D’ for over two months (during which she refused to eat), her first word finally turned out to be- ‘Damn!’ Her family was naturally worried that young Medha had to start her illustrious life with a profanity, although they now feel that her actual first word could have been ‘Dam’ for obvious reasons!
‘Ma…’, uttered the cute little baby sitting in a rocking chair and pointing at a red rose. Before the mother could react with delight, ‘Maoist!‘ she bellowed as she finished her first word.
For over 80 years, India has waited with bated breath and finally, it has happened! ‘Money doesn’t grow on trees!’ Manmohan… er… thundered as he motored on for fifteen minutes in an address to the nation, releasing 80 years of pent up frustration at his inability to talk!
‘Noooooo’ screamed little Poonam as she ran through the long corridor.
‘Why does this kid hate clothes?’ groaned the caretaker as she chased Poonam with pants in her hand.
Mani Shankar Iyer
‘Honorificabilitudinitatibusly’ new born Mani Shankar said, shaking his head vigorously as the nurse grappled to hold onto the wriggling baby.
For the benefit of the less privileged, averagely grey cell endowed earthly beings (who did not go to Doon school, St. Stephens… yawn… Cambridge etc, as he keeps reminding viewers on TV always), ‘Honorificabilitudinitatibusly’ is the toughest way to say ‘With Honor’
‘Watch Out!’ screamed little Akhilesh Yadav as the maid inadvertently crashed a big steel bucket into his tiny face. The family was in no mood to celebrate his first words as they held an ice pack to his nose.
‘Nucular’ he said suspiciously as the 5 year old pointed to Iraq on a world map.
‘Mr…Mr….Mr…Mr…Mr….Manish…Mr…Tewari…Mr Manish Tewari…’, stuttered baby Arnab as his playschool mate Manish Tewari launched a scathing attack at the teacher who accused his friends of stealing. Needless to say, the Goswami household was overjoyed and threw a party at exactly 9′ o clock that night.
Minutes after he was born, Rajinikanth slowly opened his eyes and smiled at the doctors who were clearly struggling to comprehend the blinding light around them. Then, raising his hand and unclenching his fist, he uttered his first word- ‘BANG!’
P.S-This is what the world now refers to as ‘The Big Bang!’