The Indian ‘Curiosity’

Can you believe that at this very moment (stop yawning), the curiosity rover on Mars is taking a joy ride- muscling over cliffs and zapping rocks with its deadly laser beam? And all its activity is remote controlled by some seriously messed up geeks at NASA? Ridiculous! The Mars rover has hence been aptly named ‘Curiosity’. It epitomizes Mankind’s unquenchable thirst to know about the universe we live in.One must congratulate NASA for its spirit and grit among the many obstacles it has faced over the years to pursue its search for answers.

And here we are sitting in India- curious only to know where the next big scam is going to come from- the ruling party or the opposition? Imagine what it would be like if a Martian expedition is sponsored by a fictional Indian government that displays all the negative aspects like Corruption, pseudo secularism and non performance?

Read on:

Disclaimer: All characters and Governments mentioned in this post are fictional. It merely represents the angst of certain people (including me) about today’s sorry state of affairs in this country.

Mars Rover Landing

The landing of the Mars Rover ‘Indian Curiosity’ has been delayed. Rumor has it that Scientist’s were ordered by the concerned officials to wait for the commencement of auspicious time to land. Scientists are worried that there may not be enough fuel for the probe to keep circling mars until the auspicious time arrives.
‘Due to the recent hike in petrol prices, we couldn’t fill extra petrol within the given budget’ confessed a highly placed source.

Day 1

The Mars rover, named ‘Brijmohan Natwarlal‘ (named after the great grandfather of the Ruling Party leader)  successfully landed a few hours back. It will now break a cryogenically frozen coconut for invoking the blessing of the Gods. Keeping in mind the secular beliefs of India, the Rover will then continue to offer prayers to Allah by kneeling down in the direction of Mecca and then playing an audio recording of Halleluiah chants for five minutes.

Day 4

A very critical day for the mission today as Natwarlal’s sophisticated robotic arms will perform a high precision job to install a stone plaque that congratulates the party leader , their sons, daughters, parents and grandparents for the successful Indian expedition to Mars.

Day 7

Today is Gandhi Jayanthi. So Government Holiday(even on Mars)

Day 12

The Mars expedition ran into its first major crisis as the Rover’s back Tyre burst due to a puncture.  Investigations reveals that a company owned by a powerful politician (which can never be proved in a court of law) was unfairly given the contract to supply the Rovers sub standard wheels. The government has assured the public that the chances of convicting the guilty are as high as the chances of the Rover returning safely on its own to Earth.

Day 15, 16, 17 and 18

Anti Mars Expedition Protests- Holidays
Reason for Protest- Demanding Reservation in the handling of the remote control by backward class scientists for a few hours everyday.

Day 19

The Rover will engage in a High powered drilling operation today to collect stone and rock samples from deep inside the martian surface. The rock samples will be blasted back to earth in a hermetically sealed capsule. The stone samples will then be used for ‘Gemology’ purposes  wherein you can wear small pieces of the rocks around your necks and fingers to bring you good luck and prosperity in life!

Day 24

As the expedition nears an end and the Rovers has reached ‘Low Battery’ (of course the batteries are sub standard too), the final task for ‘Natwarlal’ is to lay the foundation stone for a ‘Multi-billion dollar Township’ real estate project.
Ads like these have already started to appear in newspapers across India:

Martian SerenityAn Oasis among the hustle and bustle of Mars. Find peace in our gated Villas with clubhouse and golf course. Five minutes from Hospital, School, College, Crematorium and Mutton Shop. Last three houses available. Bring Cash!!
Hurry! Houses will be ready to occupy in less than a month!

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20 Responses to The Indian ‘Curiosity’

  1. umashankar says:

    You have established the atmosphere with the contrast between the A,American and Indian Martian Missions. It is a brilliant satire of the corrupt, lazy people, not to talk of its politicians. The Martian Serenity takes the cake with its brazen, criminal opportunism.

    • USP-Thank you as always! The martian serenity bit came to me on a sunday as i watched a program on TV where an actress was standing in the middle of nowhere and promoting a patch of land (which looked eerily similar to the red planets rocky terrain!) She should have worn an astronaut suit instead of a Saree to make it realistic.

  2. Swarnali says:

    I cannot help but be awed every single time I read your posts. The sharp satire at the corruption, opportunism and the pitiable social and political scenario of the country is brilliantly done. Amazing read 🙂

    • Swarnali! Thanks again! To see a comment from you is, as always an encouragement of the highest order for me. Oh and do you have a blog? Couldn’t find one. You seem to be too much of a natural blogger not to have a blog.

      • Swarnali says:

        That was quite a compliment , thank you so much 🙂 Yes I do have a blog. You must have forgotten but you did visit it twice. Never mind,here is the link Dreams n Drama

      • Just gr8. U have 60000 hits and I have the nerve to ask if you have a blog! Lol. Sorry. Am reading it. Looks very interesting and refined.

      • Swarnali says:

        Haha…its not at all a problem…and the hits are mainly because of a post i had done on Heterochromia Iridis…80% of my traffic is because of that one post 😛 And yes, welcome to Dreams n Drama 🙂

  3. Fantastic. Anti Mars protests demanding handling of remote by scientists belonging to backward classes – I couldn’t stop laughing. Mediocrity is celebrated in the name of historical injustice. After sometime the forward classes will demand reservation citing historical injustice since independence…this is going to be a never ending story. When will we wake up?

    • Rightly said,Sabyasachi. The politics that is played around reservation in our country is pathetic. As in many other cases, the true benefits of reservation has been diverted to reach the politicians and not the real people who need it. Thanks for the encouraging comment. Really appreciate it!

  4. Hi…I have thoroughly all your posts, so far. Always had this feeling that your writing somehow strikes a balance between sensitivity and a healthy regard for people struggles. But, this post and your flippant reference to “backward classes” has left me completely shocked. It almost sounds like one of these silly North Indians who think Hindi is the national language and reservations, esp by the dark-skinned Madrasis is the only biggest evil that plagues this country. I really did expect so much more from you.

    • Hannah! First of all- You have a very interesting blog with some really good stuff in it. Glad i found it. Hope to read more of it soon.
      Regarding my views on reservation, I have this to say:
      As a keen observer,endorser and researcher of Dravidian Ideology (not all of it) and as an individual who very strongly supports reservation in Education for the downtrodden, I lately seem to find it hard to come to grip with the proposed reservation beyond education and into occupation as well. Hence the jibe at scientists seeking reservation. Hope to see you again in my blog. Appreciate you taking time out to let me know what you felt. Thanks!

      • hey sajan…it’s really heartening to know that there are endorsers of the Dravidian ideology among the IT crowd, esp at this time. 🙂 Frankly speaking, I do empathize (only to a certain extent) with your idea of reservation. However, I believe one must look at the larger picture and also how we could look at a truly equal society in the long run. Am sure the apathy blog you are talking about will help all us explore this idea in a more serious manner than simply glossing over it. Even as I type this what comes to mind is this thing that how, or rather why, our US clients insist that their company is an equal opportunity employer, and I don’t know if you are familiar with elearning courses, where they insist that scenarios are written or courses are designed to be inclusive of all races and gender, etc…why do you think this whole politically correct thing is such a big thing in all these developed countries? It’s a bigger, wider, and deeper debate and cannot be simply dismissed as a political game or vote bank politics or I don’t know what else…hoping to see more from you. And thanks for your kind words about my blog. 🙂

      • Ah! An interesting topic u have kindled Hanna. It reminds me of something i wrote on facebook during the recent Cauvery water agitation in Karnataka. I said- ‘Somebody needs to invent a water purifier that removes politics from water’. I believe that politicization of language, religion, caste, water, sex and toilet paper is reflective of how the politicians of the world are manipulative and also, more importantly- how the common people have failed to see through the fog that is politics to address the real issues at hand! And yes, more of this coming up in the Apathy Hunter. Thanks for the support. Much, Much appreciate it!

  5. That was a brilliant read. Natwarlal indeed 😀
    Living in Andhra Pradesh and having every road, dam, highway, airport, schemes, projects named after Rajiv Gandhi, I sometimes wonder about the whole genius Bofors scam thingie, I mean could it be the same guy?

    • Nandana! thank you so much for the encouraging words. And yes, it makes me sick to see the blatant abuse by politicians in naming everything they find after their close ones under the guise of political propaganda! There should be a law against it, don’t you think?
      Oh and you have a wonderful blog. My wife and I couldn’t stop admiring the banner image esecially! Awesome.

      • Swarnali says:

        That is a very interesting point there!! The metro stations here in Kolkata have been recently renamed after the freedom fighters. True that it is done as a mark of respect but I don’t see how naming a place on someone pays a homage to them :\ And it is so difficult to understand exactly what place it is when they call the station as “Kazi Nazrul Islam” instead of “Tollygunge”.

      • Freedom fighters,soldiers I can understand but places or things named after politicians is what gets me wild! They are doing their job!

    • Swarnali says:

      Yeah the politicians …naming streets , places, stations, townships…everything named after them…that is really irritating…

  6. Partha K says:

    Very well written da, as always !! Super…

    However I expected you to put up a picture of the Indian Curiosity rover, with a lemon and the enchanted items in the front – complete with shells etc. Ur pictorial depictions are your strength da!!!! Hehe….

  7. thanks da dei and yes, that drishti matter would have looked nice illa? i missed it!

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